Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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