i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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