So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
