I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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