At least make sure they are 18
Why
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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