I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
