yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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