hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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