My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You're a waste of cheezeits
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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