Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
