I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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