I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
