so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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