Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
