I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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