So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
