so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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