4 words: hood of his car
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
