woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Panties = found
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
