im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
