So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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