Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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