I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I forgot how hot balto sounded
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
