I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
