now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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