I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
