I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
