He disabled his match.com account in front of me
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
