so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
