I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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