I'm really into asian looking animals
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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