They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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