i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
