Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
