i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
