Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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