Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
