Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
