so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
