you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
