East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
