Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
you had me at cake vodka
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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