my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
