"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
