Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
