were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
