I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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