He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
ok first of all what the fuck
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
