I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
