Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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