I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
