awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
