How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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