are you still at the devil's house?
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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